transitioning

At what point do you stop being a child and start being an adult? I suppose this is the best time of my life in the sense that I am young enough to lack the responsibilities that come with finances and families, however also old enough to have the freedom to make my own choices, whether smart or not. I am free. And what have I chose to do with this freedom? At this point not much. But I'm sure I'll find my way. Is it the child in me who doesn't know how to use her new found freedom or is it the more adult part of me who is choosing to take her time and think about things instead of jumping into wherever the wind blows. And it blows a new direction all the time. I guess I have a little bit of both worlds in me but I have to laugh at myself for even thinking I can call myself an adult. I am not an adult! In this world it seems like nobody wants to grow old. Yet young people are completely looked down upon for their youth and are considered stupid, irresponsible, or just plain annoying. There is a bit of ageism against young and old, though we know each secretly aspire to be the other- when we are young all we want to do is grow up and when we get old all we want to do is be young. Or is that right? Because at this point in my life, where I feel neither too young or too old- (though many older than me would still argue that I am practically a baby)- I do not actually seek to grow up or grow down. I want to be where I am right now. I want to enjoy NOT having the 9-5 full time job I so desperately wish I had. I want to enjoy that I don't have groceries, EVER. I want to enjoy not knowing what my future has in store, where I might live who I might meet what career I might one day have...nothing seems to be planned out and for a girl who sure does love to plan, this is strange that I love the no-plan life. I admire a certain someone in my life who is SO go-with-the-flow that it kills me sometimes... I mean, DAMN JUST MAKE A PLAN FOR ONCE PLEASE? But seriously, I have to take a page out of his book (yeah of course its a man) and learn to just let go of control, and let life just take you where it's going to go. It doesn't mean I'm not still dreaming, thinking, wondering...and keeping my options open. But it does mean that I'm not stressing anymore. I'm not sad about highschool, college, or lost friends, nor am I eager to rush into this so-called "adulthood" where there's marriage and babies and all those other words that make this 22 year old girl's ears shudder. I really do like this stage of my life. At one point it might have been: "I don't want to grow up, I'm a toys r us kid" but I guess I am growing up slowly, because apparently Barnes and Noble is the new Toys R Us (though don't try telling that to an 8 year old...she didn't buy it for one second.)

Youth is a beautiful thing and perhaps thats why so many women in "THE OC" (oh gag me) try to look like they're younger with their Botox and plastic surgery and their sense of style, or lack thereof. But as cheesy as it sounds we all know this is true- keeping your heart and your spirits young is what really matters. I love when old people dance. I'm gonna remember that the next time that I'm out and I'm the one acting like an old grandma and not wanting to dance. I might look like an idiot and embarrass myself, but I am going to dance.