...and I'm not sleeping because I'm pissed.
I'm pissed that the economy decided to SUCK BALLS at the time when I want to start a career. That unemployment is lower than it's been in over, what is it, 20 years?
I'm pissed that if I want to go back to school for what I want to study, which is the only thing I ever really wanted to study, its going to take three years just to take my prerequisites before I can even start the graduate program. And within all this time I'm still broke.
I'm pissed that I didn't just stick with the major, that I chose the wrong school, that I stayed for friends who in the end, faded.
I'm pissed that the state doesn't have enough money to accept any new applicants for a year so this gives me a year to just shit around and waste time, jobless and broke.
I'm pissed that I thought I would have a job and now I am living penny to penny trying to scrounge money. I don't know how I'm going to pay for europe let alone rent. and groceries, which i never buy. I just miss shopping. I never get to do that. ugh.
I'm pissed that I cant get a job except now that I kind of have one (?) it's not one I'm proud of and not one that will pay enough or provide enough hours so I still need another job.
I'm pissed that I worked my butt off in school and it was all for nothing because nobody seems to care that you have a degree. The only jobs available are shitty: sales. restaurant. receptionist.
I'm pissed that a certain guy hasn't texted me back all day and I, like an idiot, care. And dwell on this, like it's sooo important.
I'm pissed that even if I work my butt off and have 3 or 4 jobs I'll never have time to have fun and be young and do stuff with friends etc because I will be a work-a-holic JUST to make ends meet.
"Hard times are meant to make you better, not bitter."
oops. got it backwards i guess.
No matter where I look I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I guess I just need to stop bitching and make shit better. Through whatever means necessary.
Sometimes people can help you but there are certain time in life where you gotta figure it out on your own. It can make you or break you. I'm going to keep fighting. I might get knocked out but I'm going to keep getting back up again, no matter how many ass kickings it takes. I will survive! but let me just cuss a lot and be pissed while I'm hanging in there. Honestly though. I can not wait until I can actually have job to be PROUD OF. And I'm extremely disappointed that I can't send my parents somewhere for their 30th anniversary because I have been wanting to do this for years and now it's here and of course I don't have a job. I know money alone doesn't make the world go round but it sure makes life a lot easier.
I just wish I would get that job I interviewed for last wednesday but I'm losing hope.
I should really try to sleep now since I have to be up in about 5 hours.
All I can do is think: Europe: Coming soon, Excited. and try not to think Europe: costs money.
