We quit (for reals); one week ago today.
I've been pretty good most days, it's just these nights.
My bed seems a lot bigger.
The nights are definitely the hardest.
I wish we could say we ended on bad terms, that way maybe it would be easier to move on if I were angry. I know this whole thing is a blessing in disguise because I should use this point in my life to make it about "me" not "we". Even though it makes sense though, it's hard to not get a little emotional when I'm trying to sleep, like now. It's hard to turn off my brain, and I feel so alone because I didn't ever have to spend too many nights alone. And the nights I was alone, I appreciated being able to sprawl out in my bed and hog the covers, just knowing that soon enough I would be sleeping next to him again. Above all I just miss my best friend. Before I go any further digging myself a 6 foot deep hole of sad thoughts, I'm just going to stop and tell myself what I need someone to be telling me:
"They say you don't know what you've got until its gone. But you also don't know what's coming until it gets there."
Letting go of anyone or anything is hard. Accepting that something is gone when you just don't want to, because it meant so much to you... it's never easy. But the sooner I let go, the sooner I get to experience what life has in store for me. This morning when I woke up I thought to myself, I am going to make today a beautiful day. And today was good. Er, minus stabbing myself in the hand, and the splinter in my foot, and our house almost catching on fire... It was still a good day. Now it's just these nights! It's like if I'm not drunk I won't pass out until 3am or later. Luckily I can blog to keep myself busy on a lonely night like tonight. Truth be told, I may be just using Mr. Blog here as a rebound-or we could have a lasting fruitful relationship, who knows. This morning I decided to pick myself up and get back in the ring of life, (which has been kicking my ass by the way) and for some reason, I decided that this blog is going to be a part of my inner strengthening. A sort of Yoga for the mind, if you will. Although... yoga is all about turning off your brain and Mr. Blog here is all for letting me stretch my mind around whatever I wish. So, my new boyfriend here, Mr. Blog, he would let me talk ALL night if I wanted to. But truth be told, Im sick of thinking. Sick of feelings. Ready for sleeping. Ready for all that life has to offer. The world is my oyster. (More play-on-words with the oyster soon to come)
I know great things are on the way for me. Sooner or later. But..... hopefully sooner please?
